02.28.06
bad news
u know what is embarrassing? when u thought that no news is good news, later u received one.
02.23.06
关于自杀
真正严肃的哲学问题只有一个：自杀。判断生活是否值得经历，这本身就是在回答哲学的根本问题。
人们向来把自杀当做一种社会现象来分析。而我则正相反，我认为问题首先是个人思想与自杀之间的关系问题。自杀的行动是在内心中默默酝酿着的，犹如酝酿一部伟大的作品。但这个人本身并不觉察。某天晚上，他开枪或投水了。人们曾对我谈起一个无家可归的流浪汉自杀了，说他在五年前失去了女儿，从此他就完全变了，人们说他的经历早已为自杀的行动“设下了伏雷’，人们还没能找到比“设下伏雷”更准确的词。开始思想，就是开始设下伏雷。社会在一开始与自杀并无关联。隐痛是深藏于人的内心深处的，正是应该在人的内心深处去探寻自杀。这死亡的游戏是由面对存在的清醒过渡到要脱离光明的逃遁。我们应该沿着这条线索去理解自杀。
02.22.06
继续上路
被大学上的那天开始，从来没有在家里呆这么久过，也算爽到了？随便了。
在家里的这整一个月基本上改掉了汉语和英语夹杂着往外蹦的毛病，当然对此我需要感谢kxx乐此不疲、不愠不火的挖苦和絮叨。生平头一次同情jerry，嗯。anyway, u know how things go when i get back, those papers and projects….说来说去，还是一个cycle，等着明年继续被挖苦吧:(
分明这最后一个学期还有一堆的事情需要处理，但是奈何深圳那边的项目人手不够，于是只好先流放到那个乡村大学城继续和民工抢食。
老板说：以我之名，沐我之恩，你将会为了我的荣耀远行。
老板说：当你忘记自己的得失，感悟自己的情感，当你完成你所被要求完成之事，你将可以归来。
老板说：我的荣耀遍及大地，我的光辉照耀你的一生，你将背负我所赐予，你会将我的福音带去每一处依然黑暗的角落。
老板说：承载我的祝福和希望，虽然你离开我的身边，但是你的牺牲将唤醒你心中尚存的微弱智慧之火，你将迈向你的未来。
好吧，我承认，我神经病，可能是中午的江蟹生吃多了…
不管怎样，我以老板之名，沐老板之恩，拿着老板给我的钱，买了机票，只是为什么是深航，还是深航，又是深航，啊啊。
顺便废话几句
ps1：现在怎么貌似是个人就有offer，就算没有offer，也会有个admission。可是huhu刚才信誓旦旦告诉我，cornell的admission有屁用，我很不能理解为什么给了admission还需要有屁才能用，但是你知道的，人家是高材生，他说的总是对的，不是吗？
ps2：我在找一本书the world is flat，所以有人偶尔不小心看到的话，知了我一声，嗯。另外，我现在找0day也不方便，所以有人碰巧有ebook的话，你知道该怎么做。当然我也不介意别人买本书，and send it to me as a gift，不管为了什么原因，比如十年或者二十年之后我的生日阿，或者就快来的三八妇女节阿什么的。
02.21.06
关于偶像
偶像来源于对美好事物的偏执，来源于空虚寂寞间心灵寄托的需要。
我忽然冒出这么一句不伦不类的话，是因为从前的语文老师告诉我写东西要开门见山直接点题，至于怎么点我却是一直找不着北。不过我个人认为，最好是玄之又玄，让人完全摸不着头脑就对了。所以当别人告诉我他看懂了我写的东西的时候，我总是会露出一丝不易察觉的微笑，据说这样的我很有些神秘感。然而实际上我只是在好奇他到底懂得了什么东西。但是你知道的，文盲总是会通过沉默掩饰自己的无知，所以我只好忍住不问，这个过程颇有些艰辛，就像便秘的时候，空有满腹经纶，却无从得出，最后只好把这份心情表现在脸上。大部分人习惯在这个时候皱起眉头，但对于我来说，却喜欢将嘴角微微的翘起…
我相信大家小时候都有过偶像，比如我以前就很fan小学门口卖油炸串的大妈，因为她不但可以每天以油炸串为食，而且还和那些自以为是的认为油炸出来的隔夜东西很不卫生的多事父母大打出手。她在捍卫我们的尊严，我想，凭什么我对嘴和胃这两个器官的喜好要由别人来左右，后来我才明白，我的这个行为叫做捍卫身体完整，个人主权神圣不可侵犯。只可惜那时的我不懂得这些大道理，我买油炸串的行为总要为家人所诟病，而我也不知道怎样去辩解，于是我只好崇拜起那个彪悍的大妇来。由此大家可以知道，虽然我的童年貌似很乖，但是内心却在崇尚暴力。
这个偶像的形成和破灭都很迅速。有一天她终于因为过多的满足嘴的欲望，胃彻底与大脑决裂，并且拒绝一切可能的谈判。当然在大妇花大价钱找了个穿白大褂的凶徒戳了胃好几刀之后，它开始有所收敛，但是她也从此不敢过度的放纵自己的嘴。从她身边不再围绕着阵阵油炸串香味的那天开始，我也领悟到所有的偶像都是靠不住的。
偶像不再，但是些许崇拜和羡慕始终是有的，并且趋于多样化。比如我习惯每天睡到中午之后，我就忽然发现我是那么的羡慕猪这种可爱的动物，为此我甚至爱屋及乌到yuxi。可惜我每次亲切的称呼她为猪的时候，总会被她误解，以为我在骂她；于是我只好告诉她，里面只有不到一半的情感是骂她，又有不到一半是在羡慕她，剩下的些许却是借此机会侮辱一下猪。
尚拥有偶像的人总会在某些方面展现偏执，比如susie就会因为我打出肘臂长这样的字而拿东西丢我。可是明白事理的人都知道，打出什么样的字不是由我来决定的，而是取决于当时我用的输入法和打字的前后顺序，肘臂长也很有可能是轴币厂或者粥鼻敞。当然也有人会质问我为什么不选一下字，问题是你觉得让一个恨不得搞只猪的雕像供奉起来的人不要懒惰现实吗？不管怎么样这个故事告诉大家，我真的很懒，还有就是susie拿得动的东西通常都不贵。
于此相比，没有偶像的人们总能迅速健康的接受负面消息，甚至还很有些幸灾乐祸。其实喜欢艺术，崇尚别人的某项成果，只要具体到事情就好了，为什么非要把人联系在里面。可是偏偏就有人编一堆故事告诉人们牛顿是个谦虚好学的人，或者有人非要别人出报告证明李宇春真的符合超女的参赛资格…
诚然，我们对于美好事物总会有所执着。如果有一天有人跑过来跟我说yuxi不只是长得像人，而sabrina实际上喜欢女人的时候，我一定会遗憾为什么听到的消息不是bohr只是长得不像猪，而titi也不只是喜欢女人。在这个所有人都穿得人模狗样的年代里，我们总会费心力为身边的朋友找些这样那样的优点，一个长相丑陋，并且内心不怎么善良的人甚至似乎没有在这个世界存活的必要了。为此我那些狗模人样的朋友们总是很体贴的告诉我，去死吧。可惜他们的愿望一直没有实现，因为我一直很天真地认为，这个世界虽然不会因为有我而变得更好，但至少不会因为有我而变得更坏。当然，有朋友曾经试着说服我，结果却被我用一杯垃圾速食店的奶昔封住了嘴，并且吃完后，她信誓旦旦的告诉我这个世界除了黑和白，还有灰色；除了美和丑，还有我这种东西。从此我开始明白，即使是速食店也是有好吃的东西的，另外有些时候少少的一点钱都会胜过千言万语。
以上说了这么多，仿佛拥有偶像是很天真浪漫的少儿情怀，其实正好相反，拥有偶像是真正成熟的象征。
相信大家都经历过这样的事情，当你做一个决定的时候，总有朋友怀着各种目的跳出来告诉你，事情不应该是这样这样，而应该是那样那样，这种时候通常我们都要费很多的唇舌，一点一点的把自己的想法和他沟通，而很多时候，在经过了长时间的会晤之后，他会斜着眼睛，从鼻子里面哼一声，然后从牙缝里面蹦出一句，随便吧。
其实这种时候是偶像派用场的大好机会，你可以告诉他们，你有个偶像是某某，当年他就是在这种时候，做了这样的决定，并且取得了成功。于是，不出意外的话，后面的话题就是你的朋友开始不遗余力的批判你的偶像，而剩下你所要做的就是很有礼貌的嗯嗯啊啊，也对，有点道理，不错不错。特别是对于那些所谓有事业有追求的人来说，11点之后总是要回去睡觉的，不管是为了工作还是为了皮肤，所以当他骂了个酣畅淋漓，完全忘记此行目的的同时，你却轻易坚守了你的决定。虽然整个过程里，你的偶像受到了辱骂，但是既然你已经不再崇拜你的偶像了，那拿出来骂骂有什么关系，反正他也听不见，不是吗？
好了，写了这么多，我也累了，可是，你，懂了吗？
02.19.06
在杭州晃荡了两天
先倒序好了：火车慢慢悠悠，直到凌晨3：30才到家，看来最近人品真的不怎么样，哈哈；浪费了大半天之后跑到火车站，结果火车晚点，一路上还不时有大把的人涌上火车，把车厢挤个水泄不通；然后到城里晃荡；于是匆匆忙忙跑回火车站买火车票，结果早上车票又售完，只好买了下午的车票；到汽车站的时候时间刚刚好，可是刚坐下，被告知汽车停开；出门连taxi都没有，还没有带伞，等了半天只好bus到火车站然后转车到汽车站；昨天早上起床，忽然发现杭州大雪。
我写完了再倒的，反正这个逆序我是看不懂的，你们将就吧……
说说杭州吧，杭州是个好地方，中等城市，青山绿水，西湖美景，懒散的都市文化，惬意的生活氛围，我一直认为杭州是个养老的好地方，将来意兴阑珊之时，在西湖边买个小别墅，白衣清茶，于烟雨蒙蒙中笑看西湖，何等潇洒。可惜这次去杭州之后感觉反而不那么强烈了，不知道是我长大了，还是西湖变小了，风景依旧，却完全不知道自己对于这样的风景能够享受多久。总觉得自己是个喜欢漂泊的人，虽然不至于居无定所，四海为家，但却绝对不喜欢在一个城市呆太久，也许是因为依然放浪，也许是因为了无牵挂。可惜生活从来不会让人事事如意，不是吗？
这些年一直生活在钢筋水泥筑就的森林里，体会着执着和匆忙，也享受着作为学生的自在和潇洒，迷茫自己生活目标的同时，尽心尽力做着一些自己不讨厌的事情。很为了那些确切知道自己想要什么的人高兴，不管他要的是什么，毕竟每个人都有每个人的生活，只要他是真的快乐，啊啊。
Update：本来没写完的，可是急着去参加迎的婚礼，所以…….现在懒得写完了，嗯，就这样吧。
02.13.06
Valentine’s Day
忽然醒悟明天是情人节，啊啊！
看来又是一个没有情人的情人节，分明记得去年这个时候，兔子在宿舍用我的电脑放小孟的没有情人的情人节，除了bohr，我们三个都无聊的跟着感慨，最愤恨的是，当时bohr居然忽然跟着唱了起来，真是太过分了，要知道他唱的实在是太难听了，sigh….
不知道为什么，每次快过年的时候，大家都喜欢玩分手，可能是觉得生活不够刺激？当然了，令人欣慰的是，过完年后和好了一大半，希望那些没有和好的在情人节里努力一下，看看有些人有些东西是不是真的可以舍弃：如果舍不得，那么请放下自满和骄傲，向爱情低头；如果真的舍得，那么请不要犹豫，分分合合，我看着很累……至于那些和好的，拜托现在和我一起继续缅怀一下王院士，对于他的逝去，我还是很觉得遗憾的。
岁月如歌，可惜终究要尘归尘，土归土，人们总是在年轻的时候，埋怨自己不成熟，可是真正成熟的时候，却又是如此怀念年轻的那一刻，要知道冲动无罪，青春万岁！问问自己，如果你将从此不会醒来，有什么事情是真的舍不得，有什么事情又曾执着的如此可笑，更有谁你是真的想此刻拥入怀，抱紧抱好紧。
哎，看来我老了，写这么多废话，5555555555，我的青春，你真的舍我而去了吗？？？
——少年不识愁滋味，爱上层楼。爱上层楼，为赋新词强说愁。而今识尽愁滋味，欲说还休。欲说还休，却道“天凉好个秋”！
王选院士逝世
全国政协副主席、中国科学院院士、中国工程院院士、第三世界科学院院士、北京大学教授王选，因病医治无效，于2006年2月13日上午11点零3分在北京协和医院逝世，享年69岁。
哎，一代宗师，转而消逝。成功的背后，也许能够活着更重要些，所以享受生活，珍爱生命，珍惜眼前人吧，同学们……
May he rest in peace!
02.04.06
Graduation Speech of Apple CEO Steve Jobs at Stanford University
‘YOU’VE GOT TO FIND WHAT YOU LOVE’, Jobs says.
This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005 at Stanford University.
I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I’ve ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That’s it. No big deal. Just three stories.
The first story is about connecting the dots.
I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?
It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: “We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?” They said: “Of course.” My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college. And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents’ savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn’t see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn’t interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.
It wasn’t all romantic. I didn’t have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends’ rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it.
And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:
Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn’t have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can’t capture, and I found it fascinating.
None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, it’s likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.
Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.
My second story is about love and loss.
I was lucky? I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents’ garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation - the Macintosh - a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating. I really didn’t know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me? I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over. I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.
During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I retuned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple’s current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together. I’m pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn’t been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.
My third story is about death.
When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.
Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked.
There is no reason not to follow your heart. About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn’t even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor’s code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you’d have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes. I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I’m fine now.
This was the closest I’ve been to facing death, and I hope it’s the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.
Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary. When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960’s, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.
And Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: “Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.” It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.
Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.
Thank you all very much.
再八卦一下
1. yossi两天之内连着两个top10 law school admission，cow果然就是cow，佩服的要死
2. 梅姐初十结婚，决定跑过去凑热闹，问题是我到现在都没有一套suit….hope casual would be fine
3. Jiang Yin也要结婚了，婚礼在2月19日，很希望去参加，只是不知道老板能不能让我留到那个时候
4. 真诚祝愿sabrina登陆成功，oh yeah